This game called Love is no joke. Gosh the lessons that come up through the reflection of another really help expose where there cracks are in our armour.
Things were so much simpler when I was asleep. Yep things definitely still hurt a lot, but back then I thought I was the victim rather than seeing things for how they really were.
Blaming someone else for our circumstances is the easy way out. Believing all suffering happens to us, rather than by us, and through us is old paradigm. We are no longer able to play those games. Rose tinted glasses no more, any illusions will be made plainly obvious.
Seeing things so clearly can be super painful, but that is the point. It is from the place of pain that something new is formed.
Relationships these days, especially a conscious one, is like a fast track to expansion. You quite literally are forced to face your shit.
I still feel like a big baby sometimes; So quick to take things personally, not putting myself in the other person’s shoes.
Despite catering to others in my every day life, as a coach and healer. When it comes to romantic relationships it is so easy to throw out the rule book. Throwing all my insights out the door as soon as someone pushes my buttons or triggers a wound. I can be so quick to point the finger, lash out, or blame.
Looking back I think damn, was it always this difficult to connect with someone on a deep level? It was never a struggle to ‘relationship’ when I was in my 20s, why is it so hard now?
If I really think about it I guess it’s because I’m operating with a different program now. I can’t go back to the way things were. The old behaviours and stories I told myself no longer work today. I am a completely different person now, and though I’m thankful everyday for the expansion. It is absolutely natural to have days where I feel like giving up on my dreams of finding someone who accepts me as I am. Time and time again I am reminded, through my own mistakes, that I have to approach things with love or it is not going to work.
I know deep down that day will come, but only once I feel whole and complete in myself.
Only now that I’m on the journey do I feel truly thankful for all the people I have been blessed to meet, however briefly. They have shown me where I am still going wrong, and how I’m still attached to past hurts and insecurities.
We have all been hurt before. I am pretty sure most of us have experienced abuse of some kind too. But that doesn’t mean that has to shape us for the rest of our lives. It certainly doesn’t mean it is right or fair to bring that wounding into a new connection with another.
All we can really do is give our love to someone wholeheartedly. How they receive it is not our concern. That’s a hard pill to swallow for many, but it is the truth.
It can be scary to give love for fear of rejection or exposure, but I think that’s the whole point.
It takes courage and bravery to express how you truly feel about someone. Sadly sometimes they’re unable to receive it because of their own perception or life experience. We can deem that as rejection based on past hurts. Or we can see it as the Universe’s way of redirecting us onto a new path.
Surrender to the experience.
Sometimes life has us match with someone for only a moment in time, and that’s wonderfully beautiful. Sometimes there is karma to work through. Many connections last a lifetime, and other times things don’t even get off the ground. It is our expectations of how things should be that causes our pain and discomfort. The story in our heads is what leads to disappointment along they way.
We never really know what lies ahead of us when we first meet someone new and that is part of Love’s lesson. Ultimately the best thing we can do is surrender to the experience and enjoy it for what it is. Anything else is usually tied up with a fantasy based on our own wounding.
Let’s all love one another.