Towards the end of last year, while on retreat in Glastonbury, Somerset, I pulled a crystal and a guidance card out right before the start of a Winter Solstice Ceremony. The word I received that day was Commitment. I decided shortly after to make that my word of the year for 2019.
Wow If I only knew then how many times I would be tested to show my commitment this year, not only to myself, but to my mission too.
Commitment can be such a trigger word for some people. As if it is a ball and chain of some kind. Brings up feelings of being trapped in a relationship or when things are getting serious. And yes for many that is true.
For me however, It is only now through awareness of my own lack of commitment that I have come to really value the importance this word has had in my life.
You Get What You Put In
This Spiritual journey is not for the faint hearted! It is impossible to be half-assed about your reason for being, your purpose, or your own individual evolutionary process. It is an all or nothing experience. If you continue to sit on the fence about things, your higher self will sweep things in and take it all away, as it did with me.
There were many times at the beginning of 2019 where I wanted to give up, and throw it all away. I was in serious debt, starting a new business with zero clients, and working a part time job giving me only four hours a week. This was not the dream I had imagined it would be. I am single, living back at my Mums with zero money in the bank. Why on Earth had I listened to this calling to follow my dreams? Was it all just one big cosmic joke? Did I really have to suffer? Was it all bad Karma? I’d hit rock bottom and there was no-one else to blame but me.
The hardest part in it all was when I finally accepted that I had done everything I had supposed to, but the one missing ingredient was my own self belief. I didn’t believe it was possible to live out my dreams, I hadn’t fully committed to this new path. I was still trying (and failing) to hold on to my old life, wanting the comforts of a regular monthly salary, and a 9-5pm life, even though it was never something I particularly enjoyed at the time.
All we have to do is choose
The Universe, Higher Self whatever you want to call it is waiting for us to choose our way in life. If we are fortunate enough to be given the insight of our purpose, as I was, then we certainly can’t expect to have only one foot on the path and for things to move forward. The best way is to dive right in, and trust that we will be supported when we land.
Six months on and this is all finally starting to make sense to me. I had zero trust and faith that I would be supported along the way. The more out of flow I was, the more I deemed it to be true. Once I finally let go of my need to control the outcome things started to shift for me.
We have to trust in the unfolding of our lives.
Everything is perfect. Even what we deem to be the bad is only happening to help us grow. If a higher power or a higher aspect of yourself wants you to change your whole career around then trust that it knows more than you do.
I can’t see the whole road ahead, but with coaching, energy healing and running my own events now all starting to flourish I know I’m moving in the right direction. There is no going back for me now. The only way is forward.